Be kind, not just on Valentine's Day
- Reinder Schonewille
- Feb 14
- 3 min read
Updated: Feb 14
Today is Valentine's Day, a day all about surprising and pampering your special someone. It's definitely a lot of fun, but wouldn't it be nice if we could spread a little more kindness throughout the year? Not just at home, but also at the office!
We try to make the most of things, but we still end up sighing, groaning, and complaining. In nearly every team I coach, I hear things like, "Wow, we really should celebrate our successes more!" or "You know, it's not really that bad!" We often drive ourselves a bit nuts!
But why do we tend to be so negative so often?
Humans naturally lean towards negativity, and there are evolutionary reasons behind it. This phenomenon is known as negativity bias, and it stems from:
Survival instinct – Our ancestors needed to stay vigilant against dangers like predators or food shortages. Those who paid more attention to risks and threats had a better chance of surviving and were able to pass on their genes.
Our brains tend to focus more on negative things – we actually remember negative experiences more vividly and for a longer time than positive ones. This is useful because it helps us steer clear of mistakes or dangers down the line.
Social Comparison – It's common for people to measure themselves against others, and those negative feelings about ourselves or how we're doing can come from a desire to get better or belong.
Media – Negative news grabs our attention more because our brains react to it more intensely. Because of this, the world often feels more negative than it actually is.
Psychological defense mechanisms – Sometimes we think negatively to dodge disappointment. For instance, if you keep your expectations low, you might end up feeling less let down.
Even though negativity is part of our nature, it doesn't mean we have to be stuck in it. By intentionally focusing on positive experiences, practicing gratitude, and being aware of our thought patterns, we can create a more balanced mindset.
So, how can we show kindness to ourselves and our coworkers?
It all begins with being aware and taking small steps that can lead to significant changes. Here are some simple ways to show kindness to yourself and your coworkers:
For you:
Be kind to yourself – Think about how you would speak to a friend who messes up. Now, try having that same conversation with yourself
Celebrate small wins – Concentrate on what's going right rather than only on what needs improvement
Set healthy boundaries – Feel free to say “no” when you need to, and don’t feel guilty about it. This helps in keeping stress and feelings of overwhelm at a distance
Take breaks and breathe mindfully – Stepping away from your work allows you to come back feeling more energized and calm
Embrace mistakes as a natural part of growing – view them as opportunities to learn rather than failures.
Be kind to your coworkers
I know this might seem obvious, but seriously...give it a shot.
Show genuine interest – Ask how someone is actually doing and listen closely.
Show appreciation – Highlight what someone does right, even if it's just a little thing. A quick “Thank you” or “Great job!” can really brighten someone's day
Be patient and understanding – We all have our off days. Aim to respond with kindness rather than frustration
Helping others without any strings attached – Just offering a hand without expecting anything back fosters trust and goodwill
Make collaborating more enjoyable – A little humor and positivity can brighten the day and boost team spirit
When you lead by example, you foster an environment where kindness and respect are just part of everyday life.
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